Mentoring Simply Put - Strategies for parents, teachers and volunteers

Absolutely Huge... I mean HUGO

2011-12-15T07:40:00.000-08:00

Well, my friend Selena suggested we grab all the kiddies and hit the latest kid’s film this week. Hugo. I had no idea what it was about, but decided a matinee followed by pizza with a pile of kids and a dear friend sounded like a good idea to me.

In the first 20 minutes we were all so silly, I thought, this is never going to fly. Too much popcorn, soda and candy was making us all goofy and not exactly keyed in to the movie. And then, somewhere in that first half hour, something happened. It might have been the dreamy cinematography, or the outlandishly funny scene when Sasha Baron Cohen tries to woo his love interest, or the “adventure” the children partake ¬which whisked me back in time to the crazy adventures of my own childhood, or the slow unfolding of the story, like a Russian doll, each new layer as beautiful as the one before it… the prize inside only half as exciting as the journey getting there. Either way, as I looked down the aisle at the pile of kids from teenagers to the nine year old, all in rapt attention, I knew we were in for some magic.

This movie has guts. It addresses life purpose and passion, belonging and curiosity, taking chances, loss, starting over and vulnerability and above all … living. This movie is a love song to the beginnings of cinema and a love story about living life. Whooda thought Scorsese could top his own Taxi Driver, Departed, Goodfellas? And with a slow paced film that feels the equivalent of decadent French cuisine? Delicious, flavorful, unique and not to be rushed.

Watching the kids captivated by the snippets of silent movies in the film reminded me that we are NOT that jaded. If kids who have iPods and Wii games and laptops can laugh and tear up and FEEL the simple beauty of Hugo, I know there is hope for us yet. Scorsese walks us through a world of 60 years ago, a world of books and imagination, of hardship, of the ravages of war, of renewal. And yes, he walks, not runs. He, in one fell swoop, connects us with the universal desire for meaning, passion and belonging, while showing us a time and a place, not so very long ago, in which moments were savored, like a delicate pastry, not devoured like a fast food sandwich in a race against time.

I think this is Scorsese’s best. It’s not dark. It’s hopeful. Cautionary? Yes. Preachy? Not a bit. Way to go, Scorsese. When I look at those children and see swept away expressions, and glossy eyes and my kid leaves the theatre and the first words out of his mouth are, “Mom, we gotta get the book,” I know we’ve got something good. When my teenager says “I guess everyone has a secret side to themselves,” understanding the beauty of having a clandestine past, which we all do, I am fortified. For me, I suddenly feel a tug for a return trip to one of my favorite cities, Paris, or maybe at least a few hours in an old book store, and maybe a little more adventure and definitely the reminder that I must ALWAYS continue to do the work I love.

Thank you, Martin, for an amazing tribute to cinema, and to the passionate pursuit of life itself.

As far as the kids go, no swearing, no sex, nothing too scary, and even though this is a full two hours, it sure doesn’t feel that way.

Post movie discussion with the kids could include exploring the idea of purpose in one’s life, replacing harshness and rigidity with kindness, opening one’s heart after great pain, finding belonging, and the value of living life fully.

And, as Isabelle and Hugo said,

Isabelle: Are you sure about this? We could get into trouble.

Hugo: That’s how you know it’s an adventure!

Vivre pleinement sa vie!
Life life to the fullest!!

Movie Review: Is Real Steel the Real Thing?

2011-10-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

Giant robots, a delinquent dad and boxing? Really? Oh yeah, really. I took myself to this movie solo to make sure it was not going to be too frightening or disturbing for my nine year old. And, I admit, the previews looked pretty cool. When I came home, I told my son, “I want to be the kid in that movie.” Needless to say, I brought my son and my daughter to the theatre the following day. Quite frankly, I was happy to jump in for another view. And I was eager to watch my kiddies’ faces.

The verdict from my 9 and 13 year olds? “Best movie EVER!” The kids really loved this movie start to finish. There were only two scenes I considered inappropriate for the younger set. There is a falling scene with the boy while they are in the junkyard. I had a JUMBO sized knot in my stomach, but my kids went with the flow as I told them what was going to happen and the outcome. (Hint: No one dies or gets hurt). It was a little creepy though. The other scene was when dad’s prior life catches up with him and he and the boy are pursued by a group of bad men and the dad is viciously beaten. This was too much and doubly so as the young boy was in the scene and even got roughed up a bit as well. My answer? I sent the kids out for a popcorn refill.

What’s the magic of this movie? For starters, the giant boxing robot concept is unique and soooo cool. When is the last time you went to a movie and saw something completely new? Visions of Star Wars and Transformers danced in my head as I felt that familiar excitement of something exciting and new coupled with universal emotional themes of family, love, redemption, and courage.

What a treat. My son is already begging me for a second showing. We were at a birthday party this week and the birthday boy’s grandpa and I got to talking. He had just gotten back from seeing Real Steel with his grandson at the IMAX theatre and I tell you what, that grandpa, he looked about 9 years old himself when he was describing the movie.

Now onto the parenting piece. On top of everything else, Reel Steel lends itself to “lessons learned” fodder for parents who are interested in that type of thing. Hey, I’m a therapist. I can’t help myself. Discussions about decisions and their consequences, the value of working hard, perseverance, forgiveness, and the ability to reinvent oneself are all easy lessons to grab onto and chat about with your child. Oh, and I forgot the other message, the world is not always fair. Another great life lesson, played out like the rest with absolutely no violins playing in your ear. Nice.

Real Steel is the Real Thing and worth the ride, whether you are cruising with the kids or just on your own sweet time.

Want to rent a good family movie? Check out my review of Aliens in the Attic.

And always remember the power of your every contribution!

Maria

Vygotsky - What Does He Know About Kids Anyway?

2011-10-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

When we talk about child development, a common name heard is Piaget. But another theorist had an awful lot of good insights about child development. Vygotsky. Vygotsky agreed with a lot of what Piaget had to say about children's cognitive development. But there are several unique points that Vygotsky brings to the table.

The Zone of Proximal Development

What? Okay, that sounds very fancy. But it is really very simple. The zone begins where a child can go no further ON THEIR OWN. But the zone is about support. You see, Vygotsky was all about understanding the impact of support, guidance, and cultural impact on cognitive growth. So, the zone is about what a parent, a mentor, a teacher, a grandparent can do to take a child to the next level of learning. When you look at the picture above, you can see the "teacher" gives the child the tool he needs to reach further than he could on his own.

Unlike Piaget, Vygotsky felt that the impact of leaders in a child's life was paramount to their learning. The zone is about the opportunity to take a child to the next level of learning, taking them to a level of growth they cannot get to on their own. Simple.

And how do we adults do that?

For one, KNOW where the child you are working with is at. What are they capable of on their own?

Now comes Vygotsky's SCAFFOLDING. Scaffolding is the "how" of taking a child up that zone of proximal development. How do we adults do it? Vygotsky was big on language, using our words to educate and encourage. But scaffolding is simply the assistance, the guidance, the rules, the skills that we can teach our kids.

Here is an example. A child can play with blocks, but a parent or educator can open whole new worlds by demonstrating or explaining ordering, creating patterns, sequencing, etc.

What's the point? When we recognize the importance of the zone and the power we adults have to help enhance learning, the opportunities are endless for how we can help our kids grow and learn in ways they could never do on their own.

Consider in the days to come all the amazing ways you can take your child through the zone of proximal development and to amazing heights.

The Outsiders: Why You Should Read It With Your Kids

2011-10-02T19:05:00.000-07:00

My daughter is recovering from a concussion so she is unable to do much of anything, including reading. As an 8th grader, she was assigned The Outsiders to read and her teacher suggested I read it to her during her recovery. It’s been a long time. In fact, so long that I have decided I either never read it or just saw the movie. In truth, the only thing I can remember is C. Thomas Howell and Matt Dillon. So, what does that tell you?

But this book was so good; we read it in a weekend. I decided to let my son, 9, join us. He only lasted through the first chapter. In truth, the book focuses more on the main character’s insights and feelings than the action sequences. So, he got bored quickly. And it was good thing because this book deals with a lot of violence, death, complicated emotions and societal issues. What was I thinking? 13 is a much better age for this one.

The Outsiders weaves its tale of social class, personal losses, family, friendship and honor, choices good and bad, and the limited options of the poor. I don’t think my daughter will ever complain again about not having enough. To see the poverty, economic, cultural and emotional, that the characters experience is to peek into the lives of the very poor and disadvantaged. S.E. Hinton paints a picture with no violins playing in the wings. Her (yes, S.E. Hinton is a woman) story is raw and honest and wrenching. A fact your child might find interesting is that she began the book at age 15, finished it at 16. By her high school graduation she had a publisher. That in itself is an inspiration.

Reading this with your child is an opportunity to talk about class and bullying, about impulsivity and choices in adolescence and about hope. The theme of lost hope is another powerful message in the book. Do you give up hope or do you continue to look for the sunset? In truth, these issues are ones most teens wrestle with. Themes of how to fit in, what is your group, being cool vs. being honest about who you are and how you feel are all common issues of adolescence. Yet another reason this book resonates generation after generation. It understands adolescence.

Just last week a young girl in our community, 15 years old, committed suicide. She had lost hope after a loss. My heart breaks for her family, for her, for her peers. Hinton reminds us all not to lose hope, to see the beauty this world has to offer, to remember to keep believing. Try reading it with your teen. It will open up a whole new world of discussion, will remind you of the challenges of your own adolescence and will offer you and your teen yet another bond.

learn more about the book and the movie here.

Movie Review: Tangled - Is it worth getting caught up in with your kids?

2011-09-04T09:20:00.000-07:00

I had the great joy of watching the recent DVD release, Tangled, with my nine year old son this weekend. I was surprised that this film is one of my favorite Disney. And I am NOT into the musical numbers, but this one was good. My first nice surprise was the break in Disney tradition. The mom was NOT dead! What a treat, bucking Disney formula from Bambi to Herbie - Fully Loaded, it was great to not have to deal with the dead mom factor.

What are the other stengths of this movie? Numerous. The music is good, and remember, I am not a musical afficionado. Another big strength is the relationship with the "bad mom." Without revealing the whole story line, there is a relationship is this movie in which a character appears to show love, but the only thing she really loves is what the princess can give her. This is a great learning tool for kids about people who only care for them based on what they can get from them, whether from unhealthy family members or friends that want to use them. And it serves as a great reminder to us parents, the importance of showing our children unconditional love, no matter what.

The love story is sweet and demonstrates everything from sacrifice to kindness and integrity. So many movies, especially Disney movies follow a stereotypical moment of decision. You know the one. "Main character has defining moment to display integrity, fails briefly, and then does the right thing." It was a nice break not to have that formula rammed down our throats.

My son is nine, but loved the movie. It had action, lots of humor, not too scary bad guys, and the animation was stellar.

Other great messages in this movie? Trust your instincts, believe in your dreams, people can change, don't judge people for how they look, don't lose faith.... oh, the list goes on.....and I can't forget this... for those of us parents that tend to be a bit OVER PROTECTIVE (me), it is a reminder to allow our kids to experience life....

So, this goes on the "must see" list. Kids and adults will definitely get caught up in this one, and what a great entanglement it is!

Check out the video here!

Strong Kids - Help your kid be all they can be!

2011-08-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

Checking out a Jackson Pollock

This summer, my son developed an interest in Jackson Pollock. Why? I have no idea, but something about the artist peeked his interest. This was the first time my son showed any real interest in art, so I leaped. We found a museum that had Pollock's art in it, I made my son research interesting facts about him, yes, I had to explain what a "mistress" was, and you bet I ran out and got my son a giant canvas and stuck him out in the backyard with some primary colors. The end result? He knows a whole lot more about art, actually likes art museums, and has his own gorgeous canvas on his wall. Is he going to be the next Jackson Pollock? Who knows? Who cares? What matters is he is full of curiosity and life and a passion to learn new things.

Who is your child? Our kids are figuring out who they are, what their passions are, who they are going to be in the future. What can we parents do to encourage our children? Simple.

1. Be aware. Be aware of your child's interests. Listen and pay attention to their passions.

2. Foster. Find any way you can to foster that passion. It doesn't matter where they end up, what matters is they are encouraged to be curious, excited about life.

3. Encourage. No need to criticise my son's painting strokes. This is about exploring the world around him. A little encouragement goes a long way.

This summer and fall, look for ways you can encourage your child to explore his or her world and see what exciting things come!

Study Wisely with Study Hygeine

2011-04-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

Whenever I teach a class on sleep, we talk about “sleep hygiene,” or the habits we can create to prevent sleep disturbances. One of the things we know about human behavior is that we learn from repetition. Habits, good and bad, can change our lives. The same goes for the kids we love. A few key Study Hygiene habits can help our kids really thrive now and in years to come.

Before I get into these easy to remember habits, one thing all parents should remind themselves is the incredible power of repetition. If we decide to campaign with our kids and share these habits with them regularly, we will begin to make inroads. Most of us can recollect the 10 million times we were told by our own parents to, “do your homework,” “put your laundry away,”etc. Learning is usually not a switch, but a slow process and one of the jobs of parents is to stick with it till it’s stuck with our kids.

Replay

The Replay is a simple tool in which you repeat things over and over. It is so important for kids to learn what “study hygiene” means. And the best way for them to learn is to have the people who care about them replaying it over and over for them. I recommend you go over “study hygiene” with your kid every week, until the eye rolling becomes unbearable and they can replay all the facts to you before you can get your words out. Okay, that said, here are some key study hygiene habits.

Breakfast

Studies have pointed out repeatedly the impact of breakfast on student performance and testing. Make sure your child understands the value of breakfast and the importance of protein. A glass of milk in the morning is associated with higher test scores with students.

After school snack coupled with homework

This is two hygiene tips in one. Most kids are hungry after school and a bit depleted. A healthy snack will give another energy boost. Do homework after school! Retention is best the quicker we revisit something. Kids can have a snack (this is a great time to add in a second glass of milk) and knock off homework while it is fresh. This is pragmatically good hygiene because energy fades as the day goes on and it’s also emotionally good study hygiene. Instead of homework “hovering” over a child’s head, they are free for the rest of the night. Never underestimate the power of finished tasks on the confidence and emotional strength of your child!

Sleep

Getting enough sleep makes us all function better. When you ensure that your child gets to bed on time, you are planting seeds for them to build better habits.

Try it. Replay the 3 Study Hygiene habits for your child. Remind them week after week. Let them complain and whine and then tell them that you care and that is why you keep saying it and enforcing it. Use that minute or so of time to educate and encourage your student to make their way to a decent breakfast or an earlier night or homework after school.

And remember the power of your every contribution!

Maria

Kind Kids -Children See, Children Do

2011-01-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, I was getting an antique delivered. We were all excited about it's arrival. The kids were small. When the driver pulled up, we all went to the door, only to hear a rather loud crashing sound. He had dropped the peice. This was probably 100 years old. I felt it, the brewing rage inside me. I was furious and my tone reflected that.

But something happened. I looked down at my kids and through some miraculous intervention, I stopping and in that instant I knew I had to decide who I was going to be. And I was able to stop it. Really, suddenly the anger was gone and the man was so humbled and he came back the next day and replaced the broken glass. There was a tiny nick in that peice, but it was worth everything that my kids could look at me and not see someone who frightened them, someone who told them to manage their feelings only to yell.... that nick didn't bother me at all. Not one bit.

Check out this video, its one of my favorites.

Ask, Don't Assume

2010-12-07T05:58:00.000-08:00

I have always assumed the most important things my kids wanted for Christmas and the holidays is a giant pile of gifts, that a lot of small things with good playing power would be preferred to a large gift. But you know what happens when you assume...

A week or so ago, my son went to a birthday party and the little boy only received one big gift from his parents. My son was smitten. I asked my kids for the first time if they would like one large gift or a bunch of smaller gifts. Surprise! They both wanted one larger gift!

So, that was a shocker. I guess my point here, is don't assume! Your kids are people who will continue to develop and change. Consider keeping the line of communication open on the questions that you normally would just assume.

Think about it and see what impact you can have!

Maria

Polite Kids - Table Manners

2010-11-29T16:20:00.000-08:00

I just found this wonderful new blog called Hybrid Mom. Hybrid Mom has a fantastic acronym for table manners. Take a look!

POLITE
Pull out the chair and sit squarely in the seat
Open napkin and put it in your lap
Let the host start eating before you do
I use silverware correctly
Talk to others and make nice conversation
Excuse yourself before leaving the table

Hybrid mom, you are brilliant! Thanks for a great tip. And here is my two cents. Every day all through the holidays....that will give you a good month, repeat the acronym POLITE at each meal and what the letters mean. The kids will get it committed to memory and and so will you. In no time you can have those dream kids you are desperately hoping for at dinnertime!

Check out Hybrid Mom's full article and blog page here!

Bonding - Family Reads

2010-11-16T08:22:00.000-08:00

Why not pick a classic book favorite of yours and develop a "family reads" time of day? Right now, my son and I read every nite at bedtime. It has been a Percy Jackson fest. But we both look forward to our time together.

In the past, I have read Island of the Blue Dolphins with my daughter, Jonathon Livingston Seagull with both my kids. Can you believe my son got the symbolism?

This holiday season as the air gets cold, why not light a fire and read some of your favorite stories with your kids?

You might just open up a whole new world - for all of you.

Remember to believe in the value of your every contribution!

Maria

Bonding - Me and You and You and Me

2010-11-08T16:46:00.000-08:00

Here's a quick tip. Find one thing that you can do with each of your children. It is something that just the two of you share. Simple. I am teaching my youngest chess. It's great. He's learning how to think critically and we have something really intimate to share.

Find one thing that the two of you share and protect it. I remember watching ER every Thursday night with my step-daughter. We would curl up under some covers and watch it every week. It was "our thing".

This is a great way to bond, have fun and take a time out in an all too busy world.

Have a great week and remember the power of your every contribution!

Maria

Back to School Tips

2010-08-24T05:08:00.000-07:00

Back to school is the time to put some structure in place. Take a look at these three simple ways to get back to the grind and be more organized.

1. Have kids lay out clothes each night.

2. Create an AM and PM checklist for the kids. Hey, while you are at it, make one for yourself.

Ideas for AM/ PM checklist:

Straighten room
Put away dirty laundry
Check backpack
Lay out clothes
Make bed

Make lunches at night, not in the morning! But here is the news. Do NOT put the lunches inside an insulated lunch box in the fridge. The insulated bag will keep the cold of the fridge OUT. Those lunch boxes are fine if you use them for the 2-3 hours before lunch but will prevent the fridge from doing its job overnight.

Put a few systems in place. Your kids might moan and groan at first, but guaranteed, they will feel more in control and happy once they adjust!

Maria

Parents Can Have Summer Fun, Too!

2010-08-02T04:57:00.000-07:00

Summer is coming to a close already. Have you been able to stop and do some special things with the kids? Here is a list of things to get your creative juices flowing. Summer is a great opportunity not just to be with our kids, but to be one, too.

Get to a pool. And why not do cannon balls with your kids?

Go out for ice cream and wander through your downtown or one of a neighboring town. And make sure you get a cone for yourself!

Go to the local pet store and play with the puppies. You can even talk about the breeds with the kids if you want to make it educational.

Find a water park and make sure you go down some of those slides, too.

Spend an afternoon at the library with the kids. Come back to the house, bake some cookies and everyone can read their new stuff and nibble. No TV!

What can you come up with in the dog-days of summer to do with your kids?

Maria

Movie Review Toy Story: Something for Everyone

2010-07-06T06:09:00.000-07:00

I had the great pleasure of taking the family to see Toy Story last week. This movie swept away three generations of us. It captured the kids, myself and brought me an extra dose of joy to hear my mom chuckling throughout the movie.

This is, I believe, the best of the franchise. Letting go, passing on the torch, loyalty, sacrifice, friendship are all root themes. There is so much material in this movie, from bullying to bad choices to growing up and humility, parents will have fodder for helping their children using the examples of different characters in this movie for years to come.

Oh, and Ken will make you cry with laughter. Characters like Buttercup and Big Baby will all conjure up memories of our own childhood's. Prepare to shed a tear, just out of the beauty of the movie's messages. This is a winner for all. You will laugh and cry and somewhere, deep inside of you, that child who loved to play will come out for a bit. You will definitely want to sit on the floor with your kids and the Barbie camper or the action figures after this one.

Book Review: Get Out of My Life, but first could you drive Cheryl and I to the mall?

2010-06-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

This is probably my favorite book for parents to read as their child is barreling down on adolescence. Get Out of My Life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall? is first and foremost, a priceless title. For anyone going through adolescence with a child, they know exactly what living that title feels like.

You need this book:
1. If you think you are going crazy with your teen or pre-teen
2. If you no longer recognize your child
3. If you are beginning to wonder if you are the world's worse parent
4. If you want to give your child a boot
5. If nothing is working at home

What I love about this book:
1. It educates you in layman terms, exactly what is happening with your child
2. It shows you how to be more patient
3. It teaches you what behavior is not "personal," just normal behavior of a child spreading their wings

This is a classic and with humor, education and good solid advise, helps us parents do our job even better as we all survive the adolescent years.

Check it out here.

Authored by Anthony E. Wolf.

Movie Review: Aliens in the Attic: Great Family Nite Fun

2010-05-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

This movie is a favorite in our house. It is silly and a little scary and really quite sweet. The premise? A groups of kids at a family reunion do battle with a bunch of aliens (in the attic). Of course the evil alien's weapons only work on adults, so the adults must be kept away from them and kept in the dark. It's funny and sweet and I particularly like that the usual strife between the "smart kid" and the "brawny kid" dissipates at the very beginning of the movie. The kids all work together, are compassionate toward each other and act as a team. Plus, if you do pick this one up, make sure you watch after the credits for "Funky Ricky." You won't regret it. So pop the corn, curl up on the couch and put in a movie the whole family will enjoy.

Time Out for Parents - Three Quick Tips

2010-05-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

We all know how important time outs are for our kids. Today, I just wanted to remind all us parents to stop a little bit each day and take some time for ourselves. There is nothing wrong with stopping to get our center back and everything wrong with not doing that.

Here are three simple ways to slow down.

"Mommy" or "Daddy" time.
I take small increments and tell my kids I am having "mommy time." I might grab a glass of flavored seltzer, kick back in my bedroom, read a chapter of a book, look at my favorite magazine, even have a cat nap. I feel great and refreshed after a few minutes and it teaches my kids boundaries. But, keep in mind your kids' ages. Mine are older, 9 and 13, and able to be unsupervised.

Get yourself a backup
My mom is one of my backups. She has been around to help me with carpooling, when I have to run to the market, etc. And when I need a break? She tells me, "Add a little time for you, honey." So,I might stop at a store, take a quick walk, or grab something from the coffee shop. Nice.

The Cushion
When you are running your errands, working, dropping off kids, add in a cushion. Stop and do something you love in the midst of all your maintenance work. Do you love art? Stop at an art gallery during lunch or after dropping off kids. Schedule library time for YOU. Consider joining a team. I was on a "mom's soccer league" for awhile. It was a blast. I almost had a coronary twice a week. But it was different and about me!

Remember to take the time to stop today, even just for a two-minute time out every now and then and get back to center.

Negotiating the Balance Between Clutter and Sentiment

2009-12-17T05:46:00.000-08:00

Check out this great article for getting your child's room in order!

Click here to read.

Have a great week!

Maria

Smart Parent - Manage Conflict with Three Pluses and a Wish

2009-12-02T10:08:00.001-08:00

Check out this great tool for managing conflict in the home!

Click here to read.

Bonding - One-On-One Time With Your Kids is Easier Than You Think

2009-11-09T07:25:00.000-08:00

It is so easy to let quality time with your kids slip through your fingers. Life is a complicated thing. Jobs, mortgages, extra-curricular activities can all find themselves on the top of the docket. The problem?

What about all that quality time you need to have with your child? What happens to that? All too often, it gets swept under the carpet. Tucked away again and again until postponing it is the norm.

I agree, it is challenging to schedule one-on-one time with your child. Life does get in the way. But there are ways around it. When I was a kid, my dad would always take me to the hardware store. I knew that place like the back of my hand. And they knew me. He showed me off to the guys and I loved being in a place that was different, but most of all, I just loved being with my dad.

I follow that tradition with my own kids. Our "mother-son" or "mother-daughter" time can take place when we are gassing up the car, running errands or just cooking together. All it takes is a little tweaking. I can run errands and spend 10 minutes in the toy aisle with my son, checking out all the cool new toys. Or maybe we get some gas and stop for a candy bar in the gas station. Sometimes I stop at the post office after school and we take a walk through our historic downtown and chat about our day.

Quality time doesn't have to be a once a month all day extravaganza. Those days are important, too. But the little moments we take in our every day have tremendous power to remind us how enchanting our relationships with our children can be. Remember to take a little time out of your every day to spend with your kids in some one-on-one time.

Be the parent you want to be with simplicity and organization one day at a time.

Money, Money, Money! Teaching your kids how to deal!

2009-11-02T12:49:00.000-08:00

It's the age old problem. Teaching our kids how to manage money. And that is no easy feat!

Check out the article I wrote after interviewing finance guru, Julie Barcus for quick and easy tips on teaching your kids how to master their relationship with money!

Click here to read!

Kind Kids - Teaching our Kids how to Give

2009-10-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

Here is a helpful article I published in Indy's Child. Check it out for some great volunteering ideas.

Click here to go to the article.

Smart Parent/ Smart Mentor - Don't, Don't, Don't! - Getting Kids Motivated

2009-10-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

Good lord, we all know that one, don't we? I was reading an article recently about what rules are recommended to be posted in a classroom. The author said it is a lot easier to summarize the things we expect from kids rather than producing a litany of "no's."

Allow me an example.

No hitting. No pushing. No yelling. No stealing. Vs. Be respectful.

The author recommended no more than 3 positive "rules" for kids to live by in the classroom. But that got me to thinking. As mentors, just having a couple of "rules" for the mentoring relationship, for life even, makes sense.
What happens if in the mentoring relationship, we offer the kids we work with some basic guidelines based on how we live our lives? What if during conversation your student admits to sassing a teacher? And what if you say, "Johnnie, respecting others is a rule I try to live by. You might want to think about it. It works." It feels better than "sassing is wrong, you shouldn't do that."

Or here's another one. Your student just doesn't feel like trying. "Sometimes I don't want to try either, but no matter what happens in the end, if I have done my best, I can always feel good about myself. Let's stick with it and get this done." Doesn't that sound better than "you're not going to get a good grade if you don't put out more effort?"

What if, just like in the classroom, we show the kids we work with one or two universal "rules" that we expect from them? What if we forget all the things we don't want and instead, help shape them with universal rules to live by? Sounds good to me.

Consider this as you work with your student in the days to come. So many good behaviors can be shaped with some simple universal rules. Plus, when we share universal rules like compassion and hard work, the reward is in the behavior, not the outcome. That is something your student can have with them always, no matter what twists and turns life sends their way. Here are a few examples to consider.

Always do your best.

Be respectful to self and others.

Be kind to self and others.

Oh, and don't forget, you can talk about all the positive rules in the world, but if you want to give your student a mentoring one-two-punch, make sure you tell them the rule and see you living it!

Have fun with your students and remember to believe in the power of your every contribution!

Maria

Smart Parent - Mentoring at the Mall - Seizing life's moments to teach our kids

2009-09-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

There are so many ways to mentor our kids.

Check out this article in how we can use every day occurances to teach our children.

Click here to read.

Smart Parent - It's September, get Back on the Horse

2009-08-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

Read about how to get back in the groove for school in my Indy's Child article, Back on the Horse again.

Click here to read!

Creative Kids - 10 Things I love about Kid's Craft Weekly!

2009-08-13T06:42:00.000-07:00

I love the site, Kid's Craft Weekly. The editor, Amber, who lives in Australia, clearly has a strong passion for kids and art and having fun. Instead of the standard crafts we all know so well, Amber explores the creative world with passion and excitement.

The result? Fabulous ideas and great fun. Here are the 10 things I love about Kids Craft Weekly.

1. Tons of exciting topics, like Pirates, Mice and the Night Sky.

2. Pictures of what the craft is supposed to look like and how to do it!

3. Easy directions. None of that 5 million steps that leaves kids staring blankly while parents do all the work.

4. Green, green, green. So many of the crafts can be made with things from around the house. Fabulous!

5. Spirited. It is clear editor Amber believes in the importance of imagination. Her projects spurn excitement and creativity.

6. One of us. Amber says her most "feral" time of day is when the kids are tired and it is still 30 minutes from dinner. I have always called that the "witching hour." The point? Amber is one of us! She understands the struggles of parenting and uses great art projects to get through those times with some dignity!

7. Funny. This site is funny. Why not laugh at the editorial while you are searching out an activity for your kids?

8. Articles. Amber writes great articles. You have to read her blurb on "mud pies plus."

9. Newsletters. Yes, you can get all this stuff sent to you every week. Why not?

10. Because our kids are worth it. Amber finds a way to remind us the magic and beauty of inspiring our kids to be creative and passionate about exploring their world. How amazing is that?!

Have a great week and click here to check out kidscraftweekly.com.

Terrariums!

2009-07-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

Creating with your kids can be really fun, and not too complicated.

These terrariums were a great experience.

My mom took the kids to the local thrift store for different containers. If you select one with a lid, like my daughter did in her dinosaur terrarium, the humidity will self-hydrate the jar! Either way, this is a blast. My son did one with African animals, like the rainforest.

Here is a great terrarium site.

Recycle Art with Newspaper is Great!

2009-07-22T14:44:00.001-07:00

We decided to try real recycle art. Of course, my kids had to come up with something a bit complicated, at least for me. But what a great project!

Get a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of newspaper. Maybe 15-20 papers. For each shape, you will use 4 sheets of paper, folded in half. So, each peice is actually 8 peices thick.

Fold the paper and cut to size. A tiny peice for Sonic's tail and a whole sheet of large newspaper for his torso.

Staple it with the exception of a small opening and stuff it with the newspaper scraps.

Staple it again and paint it with tempura paint.

For Sonic, we painted all the individual parts and then stapled his parts together.

For the letter, we hole punched them and strung them together with twine.

The kids will have a blast and it really comes out nicely.

Send me your stories and ideas as well!

Maria

Book Review: Helping Kids Understand Money - Three Cups - A Review

2009-07-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but keeping my kids on track about money seems to always baffle me. How on earth am I supposed to keep track of everything? Well, at least that's what I used to think. Recently, I came across a book called Three Cups. The art on the cover caught my eye. And then the subtitle caught me. "Teaching children how to save, spend and be charitable with money is as easy as one, two, three."

I like easy and I like the sound of three steps. So, I took a read. What I found really threw me. Allow me to begin with the illustration. Reminiscent of Good Dog, Carl and The Polar Express, the artwork in this book has the distinct quality of the timelessness and beauty you would find in a classic.

The book itself is well written, an easy read for parents and kids. The message is powerful. It teaches kids the value of saving, for themselves, for their future and for others(via charity.) The tenets of the book are so simple, any family can practice them and succeed at teaching children the importance of managing money.

In addition, an easy to use parenting guide is included in the back of the book. This book is not just another book. It is a message to parents that they can change the way their children see money over the course of their lives with just a little effort. How wonderful.

Three Cups is beautiful in appearance and in message. At only $10 per copy, I think stocking up for holiday gifts is in order.

Consider this one if you are looking for simple ways to introduce money management for your kids and if you love children's book with classic style and messages.

Check out the book and its illustrations here.

Craft Idea - Beaded Solar System

2009-07-02T06:08:00.000-07:00

This is something I did with my kids during Camp Curiosity.

We looked up the size and color of the planets, in proportion to each other. We cut out the nine planets, using scrap card stock. We hole punched the end of each planet. Then we strung each of the planets on some ribbon, in order and using beads as separators. It was a great project and is hanging in the dining room. The kids are proud and I can point to any planet and ask them whenever I want. Its their project and they are eager to show off what they know!

They work on find motor, sequencing, association (Mars is the red planet)and have a lot of fun!

Key fact.

Tie the end of the ribbon before you start! We forgot and watched our whole solar system fall apart when the tape slipped off the wall. Woops! Good for laughs but I would still avoid it...

Smart Kids - The Summer Journal

2009-06-04T06:35:00.000-07:00

Consider having your kids keep a summer journal. Have them pick out the journal of their choice. And let them have at it. They can write about their activities, their dreams, make drawings, collages, write stories, you name it.

Let them bring it in the car, a great distraction.

Let them write in it at night.

If they want to watch TV, tell them to make an entry first. Set the timer and make sure they work on it for more than 30 seconds.

Have them cut out favorite magazine pictures or words.

Let them glue pictures from summer in it.

They can really own this as a summer project.

Benefits?

Fine motor development, self confidence, developing good habits, creativity.

Well, the benefits go on and on.

Got one that works for you? Share in comments!

Thanks! Maria

Summer Learing - What do you do to keep kids learning over summer?

2009-06-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

Share your tools and strategies for keeping kids learning over summer here in the comments section!

Thanks for sharing!

Maria

Smart Kids - Learning Site Words

2009-04-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

This tip comes from teacher, Jennifer Hall.

Thanks, Jennifer for these wonderful tools!

Following are some suggestions that make learning Sight Words fun and effective!! These ideas can be applied to many subjects – the goal is to engage the child in learning and make it a fun experience for them to REMEMBER and WANT to learn! The more senses the child uses while learning, the more effective it will be. Be creative and enjoy!

 Use shaving cream or gel and make spell the words out on the shower wall. You can also spread it all around and kids can use their finger to spell the words out in the foam. Not only do they learn in a fun way, but it smells good and cleans the wall!
 Spell out a word in spaghetti or other food you are having for a meal. They can read the word before they can eat it and, if you don’t mind a mess, let them spell out more words in the noodles as they eat.
 Have word pancakes! Instead of pouring the batter on in the pan for a circle pancake, use a spoon to drizzle the batter and spell words.
 Write the words on index cards or post-it notes and post them around the house and in the car. The more they are exposed, the more likely they are to retain the info. Every time they pass a word, or brush their teeth (if it’s in the bathroom), etc, they have to read the word.
 Make a game out of finding the words in books, posters, etc.
 Write the words on a cheap shower curtain and give them a fly swatter in the bathtub or shower. While they are getting clean, call out a word and have them “swat it”.
 Use sidewalk chalk to make a word hopscotch. Call out a word and they have to jump to that word and read it.
 Make flashcards with sight words or even a memory game and be creative – make up games!!!

Anything to make learning fun and engage their senses (the more used the better!) will make a HUGE difference!!! If they can not only see, but associate a smell, sound, taste, and/or touch with what they are trying to learn, they are more likely to commit it to memory! Good luck and HAVE FUN!!!!! The possibilities are endless!!!!!!

Smart Parent - Dealing with Anger

2009-01-29T13:19:00.000-08:00

----------------------------------------------------------
Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry. ~Lyman Abbott

I love this quote! One of the best tools we can give our kids is the tool to understand and manage their anger. Here are a couple of quick tricks.

1. Teach your child to identify their anger, what they say in their head, what they feel in their body. Each child may be a little different. Help them identify how anger feels to them.

2. Teach calm down strategies. Anger is not bad, just an emotion. But calming down will help your child manage their behavior. Teach deep breathing, counting to 10, jumping jacks, distraction. All great calm down tools.

3. Teach understanding. Teach your child to understand WHAT makes them anger. Everyone of us has our own "triggers." Help them ID theirs.

4. Teach strategy. Communication. Understanding of others. Problem solving. Show your child HOW to fix their problems, that all problems can be worked with, that they can do it!

Try it and see what happens!

Believe in the power of your every contribution!

Check out this great anger book for kids, When I Feel Angry

Maria

Smart Kids - A Little Pinch (of learning) Will Do

2009-01-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

We all know when a recipe calls for a "pinch" that, despite it being a small thing, it has a lot of import and impact. I was helping out in my son's classroom last week and his teacher pulled a real number. She made pancakes for breakfast with the kids. She put the pancake box directions on the overhead. And talked through the directions and then the helping parents cooked and served the pancakes.

The kids went nuts. I never knew kids could eat that many pancakes. I never knew I could eat that many pancakes. Well, guess what. Teacher and I are chatting and she tells me. "I am introducing paragraph structure this month. You know, beginning, middle and end. I'll link this back when we talk about it later." She smiled her mischievous little smile and said, "They are learning and they don't even know it." All I have to say to that is, BRILLIANT!

You know, it was more brilliance and forethought on her part than effort. It made me think about all the opportunities we have to teach our kids. "Open the door about half-way."(fractions) "Can you write the list for me?"(handwriting, spelling) "How much do you think this weighs?"(estimating, rounding) A pinch, a small change, a mindset of opening our kids up is all it takes.

For many years, it was the parent's job to educate their children. In recent years, schools have taken on more and more responsibility. But we parents can be incredible partners in our children's learning and development, just by knowing what a bit of forethought and effort can offer our children and make teachers jobs easier.

Take a look this week for all the little "pinches" of learning you can offer your child. Small changes in how we rely information to our kids can give them incredible tools and growth.

Have a great week and remember the power of your every contribution!

Maria

Oh, and Mrs. Robbins, thanks for all the amazing work you do with our children. I love that you still have that twinkle in your eye and believe in the power of teaching!

Organized Kids - A Touch of Strategy....

2009-01-08T19:03:00.000-08:00

-----------------------------------------------------
Get your child organized this year!

A touch of strategy and a ton of practice will get you there!

Have a great week!

Maria

Smart Parent - Developing Accountability

2009-01-08T18:58:00.000-08:00

Read this article on helping kids develop accountability.

Have a great week and remember the power of your every contribution!

Maria

Smart Kids - New Year's Goals

2008-12-30T18:57:00.001-08:00

New Year's is a great time to chat with your child about the year and their many accomplishments. Teach them to look at this time of year as an opportunity to look at all the amazing things they have achieved in the past 12 months. And there are many, I am sure. It is also a perfect time to talk about setting goals for the year. Looking at what they would like to accomplish, where they would like to go and how they want to make it all happen. Why not empower our kids to look at their achievements and point them in the direction of their newest goals?

Happy New Year and remember the value of your every contribution!

Maria

Kind Kids - Holiday Giving

2008-12-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

The holidays are a great time to model altruism to your kids. Look for the opportunity to show your kids how to share, not just their stuff, but yours as well. Reach into your pocket to donate, look for volunteering opportunities, teach your children, through your example, what it means to give. This will go farther than a thousand lectures. Try teaching giving by example. Link your behavior to the value of giving, so your kids can understand and see where they take it!

Smart Parent - Traditionally Speaking: Making Holiday Memories

2008-12-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

Check out this month's article, Traditionally Speaking: Making Holiday Memories.

Click here to ask about my coaching for parents.

Kind Kids - Kid Contribution

2008-12-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

I will tell you what. It is so easy for me to "do" for my kids. Easy to make that bed, tuck away those toys, clean up that bathroom. We all know why. It takes too long and too much work to teach them over and over and over. Ugh! I guess you probably kmow where I am going with this. Yes, we all know we have to do the "hard" thing and stick with it for our kids and keep teaching them. They need to learn, right? That is true, but that's not my point today. When we take the time to teach our kids and expect them to contribute to their world, we do much more than teach them to make their beds.

We begin to teach them that their contribution matters. The clean bathroom, the cleared dishes are all part of their contribution to the world. We teach them not only that they are loved, but that what they bring to the world means something. We start to set into play a value that honors the mindset of contributing to community. What a gift for our children, that they can impact this world, that what they have to offer means something. In the days to come, remember the importance of sticking to teaching our kids the value of contribution. Small steps. Be patient and envelop them in your love and appreciation when they contribute and see what happens!

Ask about my coaching for parents!

Bonding - Fill the Bank

2008-12-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

--------------------------------------------------

There are so many things we have to do as families to keep them running. Driving to this event and that. Homework. Doctor's appointments. Discipline. All of those things take effort. Although they pay off in the end, they can wear on us and deplete our resolve.

Our best defence? Fill the bank. Not with money, either. Okay, money is good, but not what I am talking about here. Fill the bank with quality family time. Quality family time is about being together and enjoying each other with intention. It doesn't have to be an all day event. Sometimes a few minutes together can do the trick when you need to fill the bank. Consider all the little moments you can create to fill your family's bank and do it. See how great it feels!

Have a great day. Remember I am available for coaching for parents! Contact me here for more info.

Sane Parent - Keep it Calm

2008-11-19T04:12:00.000-08:00

__________________________________________________________

One of the best gifts we can give our children is the gift of calm. Raising kids is tough. Life, our kids, lack of sleep can all contribute to us loosing our sense of balance. Doing our best to remain calm helps our kids feel safe and keeps us focused on the issues at hand. Removing ourselves from the situation for just a moment or two can save us. Try a couple of these tools for calming down.

1. STOP for one minute and do some deep breathing.

2. Take a walk around the block, do some jumping jacks, lift some weights. Use 5 minutes of exercise to push some of that anger out of your body.

3. Talk yourself off the ledge. Sometimes the words in our head get in our way instead of helping us. Talk yourself down. Use statements like, "It's going to be okay." "Ill just calm down and then go back to the kids."

4. Give yourself a time out. Just get out of the situation for a minute. Give yourself some space. Sometimes that's all you need.

Try these simple reminders for keeping yourself calm and see how it goes.

Do you have a tool that pulls you down and keeps you centered? Share it in the comments section! No registrtion needed!

Have a great week and enjoy those kids!

Maria

Smart Parent - A Purpose for Thankfulness

2008-11-19T04:10:00.001-08:00

------------------------------------------------

Check out this article A Purpose for Thankfulness.

Have a great week!

Smart Parent - The L & L Method

2008-11-12T18:49:00.000-08:00

Imagine this. Your child comes home with the dilemma of the day. You know, often they come home and it is "The best day EVER!" But its the "Worst day EVER!" that can get us in trouble. They come home and they need to talk, but what do we want to do?

1. Sometimes we just don't want to listen at all. We shut them out, listen with one ear while we busy ourselves around the house. But know this. They KNOW we aren't listening.

2. Sometimes we kick into problem solving mode. All we focus on is how we can make the problem go away. "Well, honey, what did you do to contribute to what happened?" or "Why don't you....?"

But sometimes all we need, and by "we" that can also mean our kids, is someone to listen to us with a little bit of love. The next time your child comes home unloading a tearful mess of childhood angst on you, try the L & L method. Just listen and offer love, give them a hug or hold them as they tell their story and when they are finished, tell them that you love them. Tell them you are sorry for what happened. That's it. Sometimes, we just need to have someone listen and be compassionate. So simple, but so effective. Give this simple strategy a go and see how it works for you.

Remember to enjoy those little ones. They grow so fast!

Maria

Smart Parent - Compass Help - Guiding Our Kids

2008-11-10T02:33:00.000-08:00

Check out this recently published article at Tutor/Mentor Connection of Chicago.

Compass Help -By Maria Murphy

Smart Parents - Pick One for Change

2008-11-06T17:35:00.000-08:00

If you are looking to make things better in your home, and what parent isn't, take on one thing at a time. You want your kids to stop leaving things all around the house, want them making their beds? Pick one thing and work it, consistently, for a couple of weeks. Remind, remind, remind. Firm is fine, but nagging is useless. Use this tool from, How to Talk to your kids so they'll listen and listen so they will talk.

Use simple, short directives with no editorial!

"Billy, remember your lunch for school. Billy, your lunch."

Don't fall into nagging and adding comments that cloud the task.

"Billy, you never remember your lunch, you are so forgetful, I am sick of reminding you!"

Although a natural response to frustration, it doesn't help your child and it doesn't get the job done.

Simple one line responses are what will work. Pick one change you want in your household with your child and work it with consistency and short directives. You will get there a lot quicker!

Have a great week!

Maria

Smart Parent - Maria's articles from Indy's Child Magazine

2008-10-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

Check out this series of parenting articles I have written for Indy's Child, Atlanta Parent and All About Families.

These articles include tools for decision making, listening, task completion and confidence building!

Click here for a list of recent articles.

Enjoy these articles and remember to enjoy your kids!

Maria

Smart Parent - Chicago's Tutor Mentor Connection Column Articles

2008-10-05T17:16:00.000-07:00

Take a look at the different mentoring articles available for mentors and teachers listed below.

From Compliment to Confidence

The Power of Active Listening

Organize your student for success in only minutes!

Mentor Rap?

Be the voice in their heads

The 30 Second Transition

The Key to Connectedness

Slowwww Dowwwwwn

Promises Kept

The Study Hygiene Replay